He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
