first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
