i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I love having hate sex.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
