i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize