Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
