i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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