so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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