weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize