OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
