i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
