Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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