Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
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