he thought i was a dude.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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