A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
