I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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