The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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