if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
That accounts for only three of the penises
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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