I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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