I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My vagina is officially offended.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
