I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
