I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
