I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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