he shaved USA in his pubs
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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