By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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