I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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