forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
