we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize