You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
