he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
