I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
