The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
