Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
