My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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