It's Friday. Sex?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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