Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
