help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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