Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize