smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
