It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize