i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
