yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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