The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
