ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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