She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize