I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
