I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
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