You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
