in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
