Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
