my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
