so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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