How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
