Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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