so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
BRING THE BAGELS
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
