Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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