he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
