I'm pants shitting drunk right now
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
