I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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