got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
