My underwear smells like fireworks.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
