we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize