I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
