why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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